What to Do When You’re Triggered: Turning Discomfort into Growth
We’ve all been there—someone says something, a situation unfolds, or even a fleeting thought arises, and suddenly, a wave of emotion sweeps over you. Maybe your heart races, your body tenses, or your mind spirals into overthinking. This is being triggered, and while it can feel overwhelming or even frustrating, it’s not inherently a bad thing.
In fact, being triggered can be a powerful tool for self-awareness and healing. Let’s explore what being triggered really means, why it’s not something to fear, and how you can work with it to better understand yourself.
What Does It Mean to Be Triggered?
Being triggered is your nervous system's way of alerting you that something in the present is touching a past wound. It’s like an emotional alarm system, often pointing to experiences, memories, or beliefs that remain unresolved or need your attention.
For example:
A friend canceling plans might trigger feelings of rejection rooted in childhood.
A partner’s critical tone might bring up a sense of not being good enough from past relationships.
Triggers are less about the present moment and more about the meaning your nervous system assigns to it. They are invitations to pause, reflect, and explore what lies beneath the surface.
Why Being Triggered Isn’t a Bad Thing
While it’s uncomfortable, being triggered is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that you’re human. Triggers reveal the parts of us that are still tender, offering clues about where we might need healing, compassion, or boundaries.
Think of a trigger as a flashlight, illuminating areas of your life that could benefit from attention. Without these moments, it’s easy to remain unaware of old patterns or unprocessed emotions that might still be shaping your life.
What to Do When You’re Triggered
1. Pause and Breathe
When you notice yourself getting triggered, the first step is to pause. Take a few deep breaths to slow your nervous system. This helps you create a small buffer between the trigger and your reaction.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Where do I feel this in my body?
Grounding yourself in the present moment can prevent the trigger from spiraling into overwhelm.
2. Get Curious, Not Judgmental
Instead of labeling your reaction as “bad” or “too much,” try to approach it with curiosity. Your trigger isn’t random—it has something important to tell you.
Ask yourself:
What does this remind me of?
When have I felt this way before?
What belief or story am I holding onto in this moment?
For instance, if you feel abandoned when a friend forgets to call, you might uncover an old belief like, “I’m not worthy of care.” Recognizing this belief allows you to question its validity and begin rewriting it.
3. Validate Your Experience
Your feelings are valid, even if the trigger seems small or irrational. Acknowledge what you’re experiencing without trying to dismiss or push it away.
For example, you might say to yourself:
“It’s okay to feel upset. This situation is touching a tender part of me.”
“I’m safe right now, even though this feels hard.”
Self-validation creates a sense of safety, which is essential for healing.
4. Reflect on What You Need
Triggers often point to unmet needs. Once you’ve calmed down, reflect on what you needed in the moment but didn’t receive. Was it reassurance? Respect? Feeling heard?
Ask yourself:
What would have made me feel supported in this situation?
How can I give myself some of that now?
For instance, if criticism triggered you, you might realize you need more self-compassion or a boundary to protect your emotional space.
5. Take One Small Step Toward Healing
Healing doesn’t happen all at once, but each trigger gives you an opportunity to grow. Whether it’s journaling about the experience, discussing it with a trusted friend, or working with a somatic practitioner, use your trigger as a guide for deeper healing.
Some tools to explore:
Somatic Practices: Tune into your body to release stored tension or emotions.
Inner Child Work: Address past wounds and offer yourself the care you needed back then.
Boundaries: Set clear limits in relationships to protect your peace.
While being triggered is uncomfortable, it’s also an opportunity to understand yourself more deeply. Triggers highlight areas where you may feel vulnerable or carry unresolved emotions, offering a chance to take small, compassionate steps toward healing. By approaching these moments with curiosity and care, you can learn to respond rather than react and create a greater sense of peace and resilience in your life.
About the Author:
Shai Maxine is a somatic practitioner helping people heal from chronic pain, anxiety, and survival mode. Shai guides clients in using their body’s wisdom to uncover and heal unresolved patterns. Follow them on Instagram @shai.maxine for more insights on nervous system healing and emotional wellness.
